A Blog is Born

You know that feeling you get when you do something that excites you and scares you at the same time? 

Something you have held in the back of your mind that you’ve always wanted to try, but fear knocked you right off your feet every time before. Maybe you got your feet wet with an idea, but it quickly became just a splash in the pan.

Last week I took time off from work. I didn’t make any specific plans to go anywhere or do anything, but I could feel the universe was brewing something up for me.

Sure enough, it was…

I spent several days trying to be a self-made web designer to create and perfect an elegant online portfolio for things I have written over the years. 

A while back, I dabbled in the blogging world with a blog I named Daring to Inspire, but like many things I’ve done in the past, it didn’t last long. 

Ha! How’s that for inspiration?

I remember the biggest reason for giving up on it so quickly was the discomfort I felt after sharing my work. It felt weird and awkward because much of what I write about is personal, but my intent was to hopefully be relatable to anyone feeling alone in their situation, just as I did.

Ironically, my inspiration for starting that blog was initiated from Brene Brown’s work on vulnerability. Her book, Daring Greatly, randomly landed in my hands during the very beginning of a self-discovery journey. Ever since giving up on that blog, the idea to start again has remained in the back of my mind. 

Here I am, a week after my staycation and Quads and Courage was born. I have a nowhere near perfect, not-so-elegant, and very basic website, sprinkled with only a few pieces of poorly punctuated content, which took a lot of negotiating with my inner critic to post. 

Since my prior splash–in-the-pan blog experience, life has taught me a lot about becoming the person I envision myself to be. Most importantly, if we wait around for perfection to arrive to tell us it is time to start, we never will because perfection does not exist.

Also, growth requires action and persistence. Dipping our toes in the water does not teach a person how to swim. You have to sink a little and persevere if you ever want to learn how to get to the other side.

I have progressed, regressed, and progressed some more in my growth journey over the years, in both my personal and professional life. I became a supervisor in a job that has challenged me and changed me in ways I appreciate, and other ways not as much. 

Although I am grateful for all the opportunity, growth, and relationships I have gained over time in my position, I recognize I am not the person I want to be for my family or myself.

I am too tired to want to work out more days now than ever, which was always how I reset. I am rude and short towards my family, and until this past week, I’ve had no drive for life outside of work. I find myself at a point in life where I feel I am ready to refocus my energy again into something that fuels me more than depletes me. 

When I started my growth journey over a decade ago, I learned some of what it takes to thrive in life and how to push through difficult things. I was nourishing my body with healthy nutrients and intense exercise. Writing was soothing my soul and I was vulnerable to share openly with those who cared to read because I believed it could help others heal.

Unfortunately, I allowed my false form of safety (aka fear) to quickly take over and trick me into believing there was another path for me. 

Time away from work placed a whole new perspective on life for me, one I don’t want to lose sight of again either. Something inside is shifting me towards a place of peace and it is telling me to pay closer attention to the signs that I am ready for something more.

When I am in silence with my laptop, pouring my heart onto a page, everything feels in place. I am liberated and energized by my work. It may not seem like much is really happening from the outside, and people who know me well may be thinking it’s just another splash-in-the-pan, but on the inside, everything is making sense.

I don’t know exactly where this road will lead me. I just know it feels right. From my comma-loving paragraphs to the poorly designed website I just learned how to do, and my soul-searching content that many may never care to read. I love this path I am on. Every messy bit of it brings me to life.

I am ready for this new chapter of change. That is all I need to know for now.