I love cake as much as I love burpees. I am inspired to be the best version of myself and encourage others to as well -while binge-eating a sleeve of Oreos. Some days I eat until I can barely breathe. Other days I am gung-ho to be the fittest of the fit and preach the importance of proper nutrition.
On the really good days, I feel the vibrational waves syncing to my soul and I’m fearlessly driven to take on the life of my dreams. Other days I isolate myself out of fear of how the world will judge me for even considering such a thing. Instead, I opt for eating my way into a pit of darkness so I can hide away from the discomfort of revealing my seemingly, awkward, contradicting self.
In the absence of fear, I would live in a space of joy where I feel free from shame and judgment. I would share my story of how I gave up a life of self-sabotage and depression for a life that fully honors my body and well-being 100% of the time.
But fear is powerful. It has a sneaky way of keeping us small and driving us in the opposite direction of our goals. Just when you think you’re ready to dive in, uncertainty takes over. And just like that, the cake and cookies are there dangling in your face, convincing you that numbing is the only way you’ll ever know how to cope.
Fear knows your weakness well and can knock down desires in a split second. But ultimately, the choice is up to you. You can take a bite, knowing the downward spiral that will follow. That sweet decadent bite turns into another after another. And before you even have time to notice, you’re buried under a slump of shame and guilt.
The other option is to accept it as a challenge to rise up and fight through the temptation because you know your freedom is just on the other side of that dark storm that spins round and round in your mind day after day. Easier said than done, I know.
I wish this is the part where I tell you my step by step plan on how to navigate through fear and sabotage and leap into a life you dream of. And that I haven’t had a cookie or slice of cake in over a year – but it’s not.
Instead, this is where I acknowledge that I have not yet fully overcome sabotaging ways. And as much as I want to defy it, fear will always find its way in, and food may always be my place of comfort when life presents challenges.
But living on this earth for forty three years, I’ve learned a few things. One, I’m not getting any younger and time left on earth to experience life on a higher vibration is ticking away. But also, to pay closer attention to my behaviors and how they either perpetuate or diffuse those self-limiting beliefs that trigger the “not good enough” voices in my head.
Learning to have more grace with myself in the moments that would normally smother me in shame, remembering that a good workout will recruit an army of endorphins to fight in favor of healthier choices, and that self care is not a luxury, but in fact, a requirement for getting through the hard days, are just a few hacks I’ve learned on this journey of life.
But most importantly, discovering something that adds joy and meaning to life and sharing it with the world is what creates those vibrational waves that sync to our soul, propelling us out of the dark shadows of fear and into the life our heart is yearning for.
Keeping the fear-beast and shame-demons at bay is a conscious, daily practice that requires strong coping skills, like some mentioned earlier, and some that I have yet to hone.
That is what I am here to share with you. Not to tell you how perfect I am, by any means, but rather to share with you what has helped me discover some inner peace, with a hope that it will in turn, help you.