Almost one whole year since my last post!
Why is it that we put off things that fill our cup the most? Why do some things feel so daunting and other things are done with such ease?
We all know that nagging feeling of needing to exercise, but the thought of walking to the closet to put on our shoes is exhausting in itself at times. We also know that working on a dream lights our soul up when we are putting ideas into action, yet it is so easy to put it off for tomorrow.
For whatever reason, the dream work and exercise get replaced with mundane tasks like cleaning the house or grocery shopping for the tenth time that week. Yet, when we finally have that come-to-Jesus moment and muster up the motivation to just do the damn thing, our light is instantly reignited, like Katy Perry in the Firework song.
I remember when I first started this blog last year. I was waking up with excitement for my day. It was kind of like the honeymoon phase of a new relationship. Everything just feels right and you feel happy and full of energy all the time.
The housework became more minimal and we were saving a few extra bucks on groceries too because blogging was consuming my mind. When you are fully immersed in the joy of something, it makes total sense why those daunting tasks feel like cake work. But as soon as we slip out of our flow, that feeling is lost and forgotten, and everything starts to feel heavy again.
I am clearly no expert on the highs and lows of motivation and consistency, but I can speculate from my own experience as to why I paused on pursuing the one thing that makes me feel most aligned with my soul.
One, I had to go back to work, aka reality. I got to write about becoming a “self-made website designer” in one of my first posts, A Blog is Born, during paid time off from work. I was well-rested and not running on less than six hours of sleep so I could actually stay awake at the computer.
Two, I allowed myself to slip back into a work routine that was familiar instead of prioritizing time for the work that elevates my vibration and energy for life. I have read enough personal development books to know that dreamwork must be prioritized if you ever truly want it to become your reality. Creatively crafting experiences into words requires effort and being uncomfortable at times, unlike mindless chores.
Three, let’s be real, sharing your work with the world is scary! Vulnerability hangovers, as Brene Brown calls them, are no joke. Some days, like today, the joy that comes from the creative process, and my reasons for wanting to share, are enough to overrule the naysayer voices in my mind. But when they do take hold, it really can be debilitating and stop me right in the midst of my flow.
Letting go of perfectionism, comparison, and fear of judgement is a lifelong journey that will always have detours. But something that gets me, is no matter how long I step away, and no matter how many excuses I use to fool myself into thinking this is not for me, I ALWAYS come back to this work that lights me up “like the Fourth of July”.
I may be forever the girl who bounces from being all in and not in at all. But all in, or not, I know it is where I belong because my soul tells me so when I am. I am learning to accept that I may not be the best at this thing I love doing most, but I know I am the best version of myself when I am fully immersed in the joy of it.
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