Wow! Almost one whole year since my last post!
Why is it that we put off the things that fill our cups the most? Why do some things feel so daunting while others come so easily?
We all know that nagging feeling of needing to exercise, yet the thought of walking to the closet to put on our shoes can feel exhausting in itself. We also know how much working toward a dream lights up our souls when we start putting ideas into action. And yet, it’s so easy to put it off until tomorrow.
For whatever reason, dream work and exercise get replaced with mundane tasks like cleaning the house or grocery shopping for the tenth time that week. Yet, when we finally have that come-to-Jesus moment and muster up the motivation to just do the damn thing, our light is instantly reignited like Katy Perry in her Firework song.
I remember when I first started this blog last year. I was waking up excited for the day ahead. It was kind of like the honeymoon phase of a new relationship. Everything just felt right, and I felt happy and full of energy all the time.
The housework became less of a priority, and we even saved a few extra bucks on groceries because blogging was consuming my mind. When you’re fully immersed in the joy of something, it makes total sense that those daunting tasks start to feel like cakewalks. But as soon as we slip out of our flow, that feeling gets lost and forgotten, and everything starts to feel heavy again.
I’m clearly no expert on the highs and lows of motivation and consistency, but I can speculate, based on my own experience, about why I paused on my pursuit of the one thing that makes me most aligned with my soul.
First, I had to go back to work. Aka, reality.
I got to write about becoming a “self-made website designer” in one of my first posts, A Blog Is Born, while on paid time off from work. I was well-rested and wasn’t running on less than six hours of sleep just to stay awake at the computer.
Second, l allowed myself to slip back into a familiar work routine instead of prioritizing time for the work that elevates my energy and makes me feel alive.
I’ve read enough personal development books to know that dream work must be prioritized if you ever truly want those dreams to become your reality. Creatively crafting our experiences into words requires effort and a willingness to be uncomfortable at times.
It’s a lot easier to fall back on mindless chores than to make space for the work that asks us to stretch beyond our comfort zones.
Third, let’s be real: sharing your work with the world is scary!
Vulnerability hangovers, as Brené Brown calls them, are no joke. Some days, like today, the joy that comes from the creative process, along with my reasons for wanting to share, is enough to quiet the naysaying voices in my mind. But when those voices take hold, they can be debilitating, stopping me right in the middle of my flow.
Letting go of perfectionism, comparison, and the fear of judgment is a lifelong journey, and there will always be detours along the way.
But here’s what gets me: no matter how long I step away, and no matter how many excuses I make to convince myself that this isn’t for me, I ALWAYS come back to the work that lights me up “like the Fourth of July.”
Maybe I’ll always be the girl who bounces between being all in and not being in at all.
But whether I’m all in or taking a step back, I know this is where I belong because my soul reminds me of it every time I return.
I’m learning to accept that I may never be the best at the thing I love doing most. And maybe that’s not the point.
Maybe the point is that I’m the best version of myself when I’m fully immersed in the joy of doing it.
And maybe showing up doesn’t always mean being consistent, productive, or perfect. Maybe sometimes it simply means finding your way back to the things that make you feel most alive.
So, here’s to beginning again. To putting our dreams back on the calendar. To doing the things that scare us, even when the timing isn’t perfect. And to remembering that we don’t have to be fearless or flawless to pursue the things that set our souls on fire.