When I was young, I was very quiet and terrified of the world around me. I spent many days observing and reflecting on life from the safe bubble I surrounded myself in. One thing that revisits my mind from childhood is a vision that I never understood then. It is a vision of me standing on stage somehow inspiring a large audience of people. I have carried this vision with me into my adult life and have since begun to piece together its meaning.
After a pursuit to lose extra baby weight when my son was born, I discovered something that was so profound at the time. Probably a no-brainer to some, but before, I only viewed diet and exercise as a means to lose weight and change the way I look. It was also something I tortured myself with after binge eating myself into a gluttony of guilt.
What I noticed when I exercised was: I had more energy, I made healthier food choices, I had more self-confidence and felt more creative.
Writing has always been a form of therapy for me, but it was not until I gained more self-confidence through my health and fitness journey that it became more of a creative outlet too. This newfound energy helped pave a path of healing and repairing my self-worth that had been tarnished over years of destructive self-talk and sabotage.
I believe our experiences lead us to our life’s purpose.
At the time, that young girl on stage did not understand why she was there or what to even say to her audience. She knew she was there for good reason; she just didn’t yet have the knowledge or the voice to articulate why.
Since the beginning of my growth journey back when I first learned how much greater life is with exercise, I wanted to share my story to help others. I felt empowered and excited for the change that was happening in my life – not just the physical, but the mental and spiritual, most importantly.
I felt that people needed to know the change that is possible from one simple decision. But with every attempt to share, fear would take the wheel and steer me right off the cliff of defeat before I even had a chance to navigate the road.
I just turned forty-three, and my childhood vision that still resides in my soul is making more sense than ever before. I spend my days dreaming of leaving my corporate coffee house job to become the catalyst of courage and compassion my heart has been calling me to pursue for too long.
Even though the thought of exposing some of my rawest moments of struggle and opening myself up to harsh criticism scares me to my core, the thought of not ever exploring what lies on the other side of this debilitating fear feels more damaging to my soul than ever before.